Dirty Catholic

Overheard In the Pews

"I'd like to pick your figs."

"Now put your head here. Can you smell my butt?"

"Fertilize me, Jesus!"

Options

Jobs that people have offered to help me acquire since hearing about my new less-than-part-time status:

1. Nanny

2. Preschool Teacher

3. Secretary

4. HR/"Happiness Director" for a Start-Up Company

5. Waitress

6. Shop Girl

Things I've Forgotten Repeatedly This Week

1. To put the chickens away ("Why does it sound like the chickens are pecking at the door again?")

2. To call my parents back ("Your message said you'd call me back, but I've called three times!")

3. To put on deodorant ("What's that smell? Oh crap! It's me!")

AlternaFloats

Root Beer floats are for sissies with no imagination. Are you aware of how many flavors of ice cream there are? Can you imagine how many flavors of carbonated beverages exist?

Wow your friends and neighbors at the first BBQ of the year with one of these beauties, served (with just one small scoop of ice cream) as a dessert or an aperitif:

1. Coca-Cola with Cherry Garcia ice cream

2. Ginger Ale with Peach sorbet

3. Hefeweizen with Lemon sorbet

Actually, forget the first two and trust me on the Beer Floats. I've also tried Corona with lime sorbet, and next I think I'll try a stout with chocolate or coffee ice cream. Yum.

Grilled Cheese For Grown-Ups

Tomorrow is one of the last meat-abstaining days left in Lent.

How are those fish sticks and tater tots working out for ya?

Just in case you're getting a little bored, let me suggest a possibility for tomorrow: Grilled cheese for grown-ups.

Save the wonder bread and cellophane wrapped cheese-food for your ungrateful children. The secret to these grown-up delights is to use yummy crusty French bread, good cheese, and fancy toppings.

Here are my favorites:

1. Tomato, Mozzarella and Basil
    If tomato is out of season, try a sun-dried tomato tapanade.

2. Apple, Cheddar and Caramelized Onion
    Or caramelized onion cheddar, if you can find it.

3. Bacon, Havarti and Fig Jam
    Apricot and Peach Jams are also tasty.

Of course, all of this deliciousness takes the sacrifice right out of meatless Fridays, but if you're like me, Lent has already batted you around enough. Take a scrumptious bite and tell Lent to shove off. 

Curried Curry with Curry

You know that jar of curry powder that you have sitting in your spice rack?  You know, the one you bought during your experimental "Let's make Thai food" phase? The one with a layer of dust on it?

Well, dust it off, baby, because here are some great things to do with curry powder besides making ...curry.

1. Curried Chicken Salad (this one is good, too!)

2. Curried Quinoa Salad

3. Curry Roasted Cauliflower

A note: I've roasted an untold number of vegetables that my husband "hates" in the curry sauce from #3.  Each time he says, "I hate X! But this is great!"

Secret Ingredient: Nutmeg

Here is a list of 3 foods for which freshly ground nutmeg is the secret ingredient:

1. Apple Pie (see also: Oatmeal Cookies)

2. Cream Sauces

3. Chicken Soup/Chicken Broth

Three Takes on Catholic Mixed Marriages

1. Mixed marriages Irish style:

2. Mixed marriages American style:

3.Mixed marriages American Catholic style:

Things to Look at on the Internet to Make You Smarter

1. International Women's Day (And relatedly, perhaps you can buy some furniture.)

2. Apparently those nuns were too scary. Everyone is leaving.

3. And for the new relationship to faith, A new look at faith formation.

What DREs Talk About When They Get Together

1. Who was recently fired or hired.

2. What the local obnoxious priest/bishop/lay person did this time.

3. You and your kids.