Dirty Catholic

10 Things You Shouldn't Say to The Bride Before Her Camp-Themed Interfaith Wedding

1. I think you should change the order of the ceremony.

2. Where's a saw? That huppah would look better if it were shorter.

3. Can't the priest's robes match the wedding colors?

4. I think you might have sat in something...brownish.

5. Where's the cake? We're not having cake?

6. Don't mind me, I'm just rearranging the seating chart.

7. Hmm. It looks like rain.

8. A wedding is not a wedding without jello shots!

9. I know you asked me not to, but I just want to say a few words...

10. I think the groom is still hiking.

Bridesmaidzilla

My sister-in-law is getting married Memorial Day Weekend. I'm in the wedding, so I've been working on stuff like organizing a campfire program, making s'mores kits, and thinking about arts and crafts activities. You know, your usual, run-of-the-mill wedding prep.

I was pretty relaxed about my own wedding. I had 5 months to plan and a very busy fiance, so I ignored the wedding blogs and just slapped some stuff together. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, has been planning for over a year, is an avid wedding blog reader, and has organized a three-night, activity filled, summer camp weekend wedding bonanza.

And I have gotten totally sucked in. I've contemplated buying a weekend wardrobe in her wedding colors. I find myself saying things like, "Well of course we need individually wrapped trail mix in the personalized gift baskets!" and "The labels would look better with three different fonts on each line!" I dream in green and pink. It's a sickness, I tell you.

Luckily, in a mere 8 days, the wedding will all be over and my mind will once again be my own. I have no idea what I will do with all my spare time. Maybe I'll start driving you people crazy, instead.

A Lovely Listen

This is perhaps the most lovely, sad, and honest account of a lapsed Catholic that I've heard in a long time. Listen to this episode of This American Life, and jump ahead to minute 37:45 to listen to Dan Savage talk about his mother, himself, and the church. You won't regret it.

Liturgically Transmitted Disease

The Archbishop of San Fransisco seems to think that the swine flu is a liturgically spread disease.  At Mass this Sunday, were told that due to swine flu, we would not receive the Blood of Christ, we were instructed to refrain from holding hands during the Our Father, and told not to touch each other during the Kiss of Peace until the end of the Easter season. Because apparently the cure to the Swine Flu is Ordinary Time.

I was frankly shocked at this announcement, and grateful that I was visiting the diocese, not living there. There was a cute 2 year old who apparently didn't get the memo and she walked up the aisle offering to peace to just about everyone during the Mass. A classic little San Franciscan conscientious objector.

It just seems silly to me to get all worked up about this flu that is more media frenzy than anything. People can opt themselves out of these activities if they are worried about catching it. Making the decision for us just seems ridiculously paternalistic and puts a bigger priority on the media's wildly swinging opinions than the holiness of the Mass. We should know better than this.

Ah, Swine Flu, how I grow tired of you.