A week ago today I had the procedure. The procedure which could have told us "there's a problem" or possibly boost my fertility in the next few months. Other than a few interesting points of anatomy, it didn't tell us much. My husband and I are quickly being sorted into the "That's funny- every thing seems fine" area of mystery infertility.
Which, you know, is exactly the last place I wanted to be. A definate "yes" or "no" is what I was looking for, not this middling area of ongoing "maybe."
"Maybe" seems to be a big theme in my life these days. We can it the "limal" or "inbetween" place in fancy theology speak. I'm not quite here or there- not fully employed, but not out of work, not able to get pregnant, but not exactly infertile, not disappointing myself but not quite living up to my own expectations, either.
I'm waiting and not sure what I am waiting for. You can imagine that this liminal space is oh, my least favorite way to be. And because of that if seems the Big Guy (or Gal) really likes to let me wallow in it. You know, for my own good or whatever.
In the meantime I nurse dreams of dramatic overtures. Moving to Africa. Opening a halfway house. Adopting lots of foster children. Some seem more realistic than others, but the reality of my marriage, that I can't just make these decisions alone, always brings me back to earth. But still I dream of something else than what my life is right now...something other than Maybe.
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Just thought I'd let you know that I AM SO WITH YOU on almost all of these points...hubby and I haven't done the full regime of tests yet, but it's imminent. Bleh.
Posted by: Katie | November 25, 2008 at 06:22 AM
You should look into Naprotechnology, used at Creighton's University Medical school in Omaha. MUCH higher success rate in acheiving pregnancy than invitro, etc. Works with your body, not against it. Dr. Thomas Hilgers...www.naprotechnology.com
I live in Chicago, and we have lots of women who travel to Omaha to be treated by him...
Posted by: Mary | April 17, 2009 at 08:10 AM