And what do you do?

This post from the always hilarious Sacrcastic Journalist got me thinking about the whole religious identity issue. Living in a part of the country that prides itself on diversity and progressive thinking, I'm constantly astounded at how intolerant people are toward Christians. As a Catholic I seem to get an extra dose of "how could you possibly believe that stuff?" thanks to our delightful pecularities.

I'm currently looking for a small-chat-ready cocktail-party faux job to get me out of the inevitably awkward conversations that ensue when I answer the question, "So, what do you do?" There are 3 major responses:

1. They mistake me for a priest.
Her: Shit! It was so fucking hilarious!
Me: Hee hee hee.
Her: So what do yo do?
Me: I work at a church.
Her: Uh...like the secretary?
Me: No, I teach people about God and work on organizing stuff for worship.
Her: Like a priest?
Me: Not so much...
Her: Oh God, I'm so sorry about cussing just then.
Me: Really, it's not a big...
Her: Crap! And I just said "God" in vain!
Me: No really, don't...
Her: I used to be Catholic.
Me: Oh?
Her: I haven't gone to Mass in a long time. I really should... I mean, my life is just so crazy right now.
Me: Yeah, that happens to a lot of...
Her: God, it's just so (begins crying) hard, to... (more sobbing...)

2. I they mistake me for a nun.
Him: So, what do you do?
Me: Oh, I work for a church.
Him: What, like, a nun?
Me: Well not exactly...
Him: So, where's your cross necklace?
Me: I thought it would clash with my halter-top.
Him: So are you gonna hit me with a ruler or something?
Me: I'm thinking about it.

3. They confuse me with an idiot.
Her: So the protest was great. I feel like we really helped protect their rights.
Me: That's great. It's really important work.
Her: So what do you do?
Me: I work at a church.
Her: (Laughs) I'm sorry, I thought you said you worked at a church...
Me: I did!
Her: Really? What kind of church?
Me: Catholic.
Her: Seriously? But you seem cool- don't you just feel oppressed all the time? I mean they're so sexist. How do you do it?
Me: Well, generally when I walk into work, they don't yell at me to get back in the kitchen, so it works out.
Her: Funny. No really. They must all be such a bunch of bastards.
Me: Well, not everyone. But it's like they say, "Don't let the bastards get you down!"
Her: Yeah, but what kind of person wants to hang out with all those bastards?

Good times, Good times.
I'm thinking that I'll tell everyone I'm a telemarketer. I probably get better responses.
What do you think? What should my small-talk-ready cocktail-party faux job be?

Comments

[Talmida]

Me?

Oh, I'm a brainwasher! Yeah, I teach people about God -- damn tough work since the Inquisition ended, ya know. No rack, no hot irons, it's crazy, those bastards won't let me torture ANYONE anymore! I don't know what the Union is coming to, putting up with this crap. It's all soft-sell now. Really almost more "teaching" than proper brainwashing.

Boring really.

But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Someone has to bring home the bacon.

Ooooooooo....are those crab-puffs?